Coping with the Heartbreak of Losing a Pet

ByGavin Levenstein

We love our pets like family. When a pet goes missing, becomes very ill, or passes away, the heartache can feel overwhelming. This guide is here to support you through grief—whether your pet is missing or has passed. If you need immediate, step-by-step actions to find a missing pet, jump to the “Immediate steps” section below or see our Lost Pet Action Plan.

It’s okay to feel devastated. It’s also okay to feel angry, guilty, numb, or even relieved that suffering has ended. Grief isn’t tidy. You are allowed your feelings, and you don’t have to explain them to anyone.

Is it normal to feel this way?

Yes. Pets anchor our routines and our sense of home. When that bond is suddenly broken—through loss or a missing-pet situation—your nervous system reacts. Sleep can wobble, appetite changes, and concentration dips. These are normal stress responses, not signs that you’re “not coping.” If you’re worried about your mental health, please reach out to a trusted person or a professional—there’s help and hope.

Stages of grief after losing a pet

The stages don’t come in a neat order, and you might revisit some more than once. Here’s what they can look like in daily life:

  • Shock and denial

The world feels unreal. You might replay “maybe this isn’t happening.” Give yourself time to pause and breathe; your brain is protecting you from overload.

  • Pain and guilt

“If only I’d done X.” These thoughts are common but rarely fair. Try writing down what you did right for your pet—they were loved, safe, and cared for.

  • Anger and bargaining

Anger may point at yourself, a vet, a driver, or fate. It’s an expression of love and fear. If you catch yourself bargaining (“I’ll do anything to change this”), know that this is part of processing, not your fault.

  • Depression

A quiet, heavy sadness. Keep gentle routines: water, food, a short walk, sunlight. Small steps help your body remember safety.

  • The upward turn

A little lightness returns between waves. That’s not “forgetting”—it’s healing.

  • Reconstruction and working through

You begin making plans again—memorial ideas, donating gear, or building new rituals that honour your pet’s place in your life.

  • Acceptance and hope

Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re “over it.” It means you can carry the love and the loss together, and talk about your pet with warmth and less pain.

Practical coping tips

  • Keep simple routines

Eat something nourishing, drink water, and try to sleep at regular times. Set gentle reminders if needed.

  • Move your body

A 10–15 minute walk can lower stress hormones and help with sleep.

  • Talk it out

Choose a safe person and say their name. Share a story. If talking is hard, write a letter to your pet.

  • Create a memorial

– Print a favourite photo or make a small shelf with their collar or toy. – Plant a memory tree or indigenous shrub. – Take a paw print (ink pad or salt-dough) or make a clay nose print. – Build a private online tribute page for family to add memories.

  • Help kids cope

Use clear, gentle words: “Buddy died today. That means his body stopped working and he can’t come back.” Invite questions. Create a goodbye ritual (drawing pictures, lighting a candle, choosing a memory box).

  • Support for seniors in the home

Keep routines steady and share photos/stories. Isolation can deepen grief; a weekly check-in or tea can help.

  • When to consider another pet

There’s no “right” timeline. If adding a new companion, choose when your home has space for curiosity and patience—not to fill a gap, but to start a new chapter.

Where to find support

  • Pet loss helplines and groups
  • Professional counselling
    • If grief feels stuck, complicated, or you’re struggling to function, a counsellor or therapist can help you process safely.
  • Community support

Share your story with us. Adding your pet’s photo and a favourite memory can be healing and helps other pet parents feel less alone.

If your pet is missing: immediate steps

If your pet is missing right now, here’s a calm, focused plan for the first 24 hours. Act quickly, then repeat the most promising steps.

1) Search home and nearby hiding spots (first hour)

  • For cats: check cupboards, under furniture, roofs, garages, and quiet, dark corners. Go out at dawn/dusk when it’s quieter; listen and call softly.
  • For dogs: check usual routes, parks, and places your dog enjoys. Bring high-value treats and a leash.

2) Secure alerts and ID

  • Ensure your phone number is visible on their collar.
  • Update and “flag as missing” with your microchip registry

3) Knock-and-ask

  • Speak to neighbours, security guards, delivery drivers, and gardeners. Ask them to check sheds and garages. Leave a number.

4) Post quickly (with a clear photo)

  • Post on local community groups, neighbourhood WhatsApp groups, and lost/found pet pages.

5) Contact shelters and vets

  • Phone nearby SPCAs, rescue organisations, and vet clinics. Email them your poster. Ask how they log found animals and how often to check.

6) Use scent and familiar items

  • Leave a recently worn unwashed T-shirt or your pet’s bedding near home. For cats, place their litter box inside or near the door.

7) Expand the search radius and times

  • Cats often travel at night when it’s quiet; use a torch to look for eye shine.
  • Dogs can cover distance fast—return to the place last seen and wait quietly in case they circle back.

8) Safety first if you spot them

  • Don’t chase. Sit, turn sideways, use a soft voice, and toss treats. Use a slip lead. If they bolt, note direction and call for help.

Preventing future heartbreak (gentle, practical ideas)

  • Microchip vs GPS

Microchips prove identity; they don’t track location. A GPS tracker shows where your pet is in real time. Many pet parents use both for the best chance of reunion.

  • GPS tracker vs AirTag for dogs and cats

AirTags rely on nearby iPhones and aren’t designed for pets. A purpose-built GPS tracker has its own connectivity, better accuracy, and pet-safe attachments.

Pet bereavement leave: talking to your workplace

Many workplaces are starting to recognise pet bereavement. If you feel able, ask for compassionate leave. Here’s a simple request you can copy:

` Subject: Compassionate leave request – pet bereavement

Hi [Manager’s Name],

I’m writing to let you know that my pet, [Pet’s Name], passed away / is missing. This loss has deeply affected me. I’d like to request [X days] of compassionate leave from [date] to [date] to grieve and manage essential arrangements.

Thank you for understanding, [Your Name] `

FAQs

  • How long does grief for a pet last?

There’s no set timeline. For many, the sharpest pain eases within weeks to months, with waves on anniversaries. If daily functioning is very hard for more than a few weeks, extra support can help.

  • How do I help my child cope with losing a pet?

Use simple, honest language and invite questions. Keep routines steady and create a goodbye ritual (drawing, planting a flower, sharing a memory box). Reassure them that big feelings are normal and safe.

  • Is it okay to get another pet, and when?

Yes, when your home and heart have space. Choose a time when you can be patient and curious with a new personality—not to replace your pet, but to start a new relationship.

  • What should I do in the first 24 hours if my pet goes missing?

Search calmly and close by, alert neighbours, update the microchip registry, print posters, call shelters/vets, and post online.

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About the author Gavin Levenstein is a lifelong pet parent and part of the TailMe team. He writes about practical, compassionate ways to keep our animals safe and supported—before, during, and after the tough moments.

If you’d like, share your story with us. Your words might be exactly what another pet parent needs today.

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